I have contemplated writing a blog about my latest year of
teaching many times and each time I have had to stop myself. Honestly, each
time I have attempted, it would have just been an outlet to bash so many things
and that is not what I want to do. I
wish I could say that my year was full of nothing but delightful experiences
but it was not! I had a very trying year and I contemplated leaving teaching! A
lot of veteran teachers have told me that there would always be years that
shape you as a teacher and this year, was that year for me. Listen, after this
year I feel undefeated! I feel like I am the champ!
In an attempt not open old wounds, I will only address a
couple of situations from my school year. The first being, when I was told,
that I did not love my students. As a
teacher who cares deeply for her students and tries to go above and beyond for
them, I found this comment to be very hurtful. Whoever said that words will
never hurt me, I truly believe that they were in denial. I have never been so
hurt in my life! I am seriously holding back tears because if anything could
almost break my spirit, it would be you telling me that what I wake up every
day to do was worthless because I don’t love the very students that I am
teaching.
Nothing can prepare
you, for getting through an emotional pain that hurts so much, you can practically
feel it. Nothing! I went through an inner battle and I asked a lot of
questions, mainly, I asked, WHY????!!!!!!
I binged on Pepsi; it was literally the only thing that calmed my nerves
some days. Then one day as I was rushing around to prepare for dismissal, one
of my students gave me the firmest hug and told me that I was the best
kindergarten teacher ever, and happily skipped along to her spot on the carpet.
In that moment, I was reminded that what matters is how my kids feel about me.
How they know I love them because I told them every day that I did. How they know,
that I have high expectations for them. How they know, that I will tell them
when they have done wrong and how I expect them to tell me how they will do
better. How they know, that I will greet them every morning by name and with a
smile because I did it every day that school year. I was letting the views of a hateful person deter
me, when all I had to do was look at my students and see that I was giving them
all the best pieces of me.
I had a lot of “Come to Jesus,” moments this year, lol. In
particular, I will be returning to Maupin as a 4th grade teacher and
I will be participating in the Waldorf program. In my last blog about Maupin, out of anger
and confusion, I was unopen to this new program. Never say never because you just
never knowJ so
here is to taking risk, for putting myself out there, for daring to be
brilliant, and for being the best damn teacher ever! Shatia returns to Maupin,
the remix is always fire!
Until the next time that life has checked me!
-Tia
P.S. I had some major self-care in Jamaica during Spring
Break on my first cruise! Thanks to that self-care, I haven’t had a Pepsi or
soda since mid-April. Progress!!!!
