Welcome to the Awkward Teacher! That person is me; I'm awkward without even trying. I suppose it makes my life a little more interesting. I am a 4'9, chunky, mouth breather that resides in Louisville, Ky. I have a recognizable lisp and I usually wear my hair in a big afro puff. I don’t know if that turns people off but damn it, I love me and the big ball on the top of my head. I created this blog as an outlet for me to discuss my awkwardness and my road to gaining my own classroom. I graduated in May, it’s currently September and I am still without a teaching job. On May 12, 2012 I thought I had it made after graduation but it was just a set up for a series of unfortunate events.
Shall I start at the beginning? No, ok that's cool. I'll just jump right in.
The journey to my own classroom started by completing a group interview for Jefferson County Public Schools here in Kentucky. An, interview that was said to only be a "celebration" of completing student teaching but turns out, it wasn’t, go figure. After being the only student teacher in Louisville to not get the email about setting up an appointment for the group interview, I sought out the information on my own. You would think that after this, I would have saw that nothing good was going to come of it. Since I like to stay positive, I kept it moving. I arrived at the interview sight early because I like to get the awkwardness started right away and I hate being late. So since I was early, I got to go ahead and start my interview. I walk in, all smiles and the first thing this lady says is, "Good you are early, you're my last one." Umm, how do you respond to that? Naturally I gave her an uneasy smile and said “I’m Shatia, nice to meet you.” I guess I didn’t make a good impression because I was never called after that. Wow, that actually hurt to write that but I’m over it.
Next, the whole summer passes and I still haven’t been called. All the while tenured teachers are telling me that no one has been hired yet. But I am constantly seeing my friends post about signing contracts on Facebook. I’m congratulating them but that inner voice that we all have is wondering, why am I, not good enough?
Queue, to someone giving me the hint that I should contact the hiring person for elementary schools. I did through email because let’s face it, if I had did this in person, I would have messed this opportunity up. So in the email, I ask what else can I do to get my name out there. Well I was told that I would just have to wait because I have done everything BUT the very next day, I started getting calls for interviews. Imagine my happiness and joy after being in the dark for so long.
So now it is September 21 and I have had 4 interviews, I have had 3 no's and since I haven’t heard from the last school, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that they are still deciding. When in my heart, I know they would have called already. This is depressing. Imagine the mind games between my thoughts and emotions. What has been my biggest torture, is the time that I have to sit and think about being a failure. It’s not a good feeling, not at all. After months of going through this, I am sick of it, so I started this blog to help me sort all of this out. Its working, it’s actually therapeutic.
The road to my own classroom has been a struggle and I mean the ultimate struggle. First it was no calls, to four interviews, and back to no calls again. What an emotional roller coaster! I know that I am an awesome teacher and I really would like to know how I am not convincing these SBDM committees. In the midst of my awkward silences, smiles, and nervousness, can they not see the light in my eyes, when I talk about my teaching? I love teaching and am seriously bugged out that I am not doing it.
I am finally at a place where I have realized that maybe it’s not going to happen this year. My disappointment and understanding of the events that have happened since graduation have happened in segments. I won’t say that it’s never going to happen because that’s just not me. One thing that I have learned in this ordeal is that being positive makes a world of difference. It might be the smallest piece of positive that I am clinging to but it’s getting me through the toughest moments. I’m in a good place today but I’m not promising that tomorrow will be the same.
Until next time life has checked me,
-T
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