Yesterday at church the first part of the sermon convicted
me. Basically Pastor was stating that Gods time is not our time. Just because
he has not given me something that I want right now, doesn’t mean that it is
not coming. It was kind of hard hearing something that you know you need to
hear but don’t want to listen to. As much as I wanted to plug my ears, the
truth wouldn’t let me. I have been getting too comfortable in my own misery and
depression about not teaching. Letting
go is easy, what’s hard is remembering and then having to let go of the hurt
again. I think I am improving though because it stings a little less when I hear
my friends talking about their classrooms. It still hurts but just not as deep,
if that makes any sense. It’s ok, if it doesn’t.
Do you remember that
little string of positivity that I have been holding on to? I have decided to
make it longer and find three things a day that I am thankful for. This should
help me continue to grow and work out these sad, sappy feelings because frankly
I’m over it. I will try to post the
three things daily and if I forget, don’t make me sadder and remind me that I
am slipping, lol. Eh, not funny?
So here she blows, day 1:
1st – I am thankful to be alive. Of course I was
going to use this, it’s easy but I promise I won’t use it again. On a serious note, I am taking into account
that someone who was breathing last night, is not today, so I am really am
thankful to be here, hardships and all.
2nd- I have a job. Is it my dream job, ummmm No!
Not to be a broken record but you know the deal. It’s not easy living from
paycheck to paycheck but its paying the bills right now. I’m gaining more
experience but I can’t help to wonder if schools give a damn? Having over a year’s
worth of experience did nothing for my interviews. Sorry, forgive me, I really am thankful
to have a job.
3rd – Its Fall! I am a true lover of this season
and am giddy with joy even if you can’t tell. I love the colors of fall, the
weather, the clothes, and the holidays.
Let me not forget to mention that my birthday is in the fall as well. I’m
not normally extremely excited for my birthday but this year I am. I will be
25. I’m not scared of aging; it’s just one more year closer to what I hope to
be stability by 30.
I am sure this will get a little more difficult, as the days
go by but I am ready for the distraction. Before I go, I would like to share a
thought that I had this morning. Smile because of the things that are and don’t
frown because of the things that aren’t. Sometimes, most of the time in
my case, the person we are hardest on is ourselves. I know in my case it comes
from comparing my success to others and not seeing myself as doing just as
good. Maybe we need to realize that when looking from a distance the grass will
always look greener on the other side but who cares? Let’s buy some fertilizer
or some seeds and get our grass to be what we want it to be. If you are not
scared to put in the work, I won’t be either. I’m holding you accountable.
Until the next time life has checked me.
-T
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